I am a 911 dispatcher .
我是一名911救援調度員

I take emergency calls,
我的工作職責是接聽報警電話

offer emergency medical instruction until EMS arrives,
在救護人員趕到現場前對受災者進行醫療急救指導

and dispatch units to calls as well
也會派遣軍隊到需要幫助的地方去

I've been doing it for about four years,
我從事這個工作已經四年了

and I've heard some of the worst things you can imagine.
我聽聞過不少你可以想象到的最可怕的事情

It takes a toll on you, mentally and emotionally.
這讓我深受震撼,我感到精神疲乏,心情哀傷

Usually, I'm pretty good at dealing with the aftermath
一般情況下,我都很擅長應對這種災后心理創傷

but today I'm on a mandatory 16 hour shift
可是今天,我不得不值16個小時的班

so I'm tired, cranky, and just overall done with today...
我筋疲力盡,焦躁不安,簡直受夠了這一天了

so of course that's when I get a suicide call.
可是,你可以想見,就在這個時候,我接到了一個自殺求助電話。

Minor child hung herself, mom discovered her and cut her down.
一個未成年的小女孩企圖上吊自殺,幸好母親及時發現,把繩索砍斷了

I already have the call over for dispatcher to get the ambo rolling.
我已經打電話,調遣了一輛救護車過來

Mom wants to try CPR so I start walking her through the process.
女孩的媽媽想給女孩做心臟復蘇,我開始一步一步的告訴她當前的急救處理辦法

I don't know if it was because the daughter was my own son's age
我不知道是因為什么,或許是因為那個女孩正好和我自己的兒子年齡相仿

or the way the mother was begging her daughter not to go
也或許是因為那個母親一直乞求自己的女兒不要離開自己,讓我動容

or the way she was obviously choking down the hysteria while she counted those compressions with me,
又或者是因為她和我一起數著按壓心臟的次數時,一邊歇斯底里,一邊又哽咽著企圖克制自己的情緒

but this call broke me.
無論如何,這通電話讓我完全崩潰了

I told the supervisor I needed a break
我告訴監管人員我需要休息一下

when I was able to disconnect and drove to the gas station to get a drink.
這時我才終于從所有電話中脫身,開車到加油站去喝了一杯酒

I was siting in the parking lot in front of the store and I broke down.
我把車停在店門口的停車場,靜靜的坐著,感到自己分崩離析

Ugly crying, chest heaving, panic attack break down.
我開始哭泣,十分狼狽,我的胸口劇烈起伏,一陣恐慌感壓到了我

And I just kept imagining what that mother was going through.
我開始想象那位母親經歷了什么

Someone knocked on my window
有人在敲我的車玻璃

and I look over to see the little old woman who owns the gas station.
我轉頭一看,原來是加油站的老板,一個瘦小的老婦人。

The store is about 5 minutes from the call center, so all the dispatchers are pretty familiar faces to her.
這個加油站到呼叫中心只有5分鐘的車程,因此所有的調度員她都見過很多次。

She motioned for me to roll down the window, which I did.
她示意讓我把窗戶搖下來,我照做了。

She handed me a to-go cup of hot chocolate
她遞給我一只打包紙杯,里面是熱巧克力

and a plastic bag with stuff in it,
還有一個裝著什么東西的塑料袋

cupped my face with one hand and told me
她用一只手托起我的臉,對我說,

"You do good, too.“
你也要好好的。

Remember the ones you saved when you can't forget the ones you weren't able to."
如果你無法忘記那些你沒法救助的人,就想想那些你救過的人吧!”

Then she smiled and walked back into the store.
接著她笑了笑,轉身走回了店里。

The bag had a double chocolate chip muffin, a bag of Swedish Fish, a pack of tissues, and my favorite energy drink in it.
塑料袋里裝著一只雙份巧克力碎馬芬,一袋瑞典炸魚片,一包紙巾,還有一罐我最喜歡的功能飲料。

Thanks, Margaret, for being there when I didn't even know I needed someone to be there.
謝謝你,瑪格麗特,謝謝你走到我身邊,當我甚至不知道我需要某人靠近我,安慰我的時候。

And for remembering your customers so well that you understood why I was crying and knew exactly what to say to help me through it.
謝謝你對你的顧客如此熟悉,你知道我為何哭泣,知道自己應該說什么,才能幫我度過難關。

And thanks for the care package, too.
也謝謝你給我的安慰零食包。

?

翻譯:小木